Sock Yarn Blanket: Weeks 52 and 53

I'm sorry I haven't been posting a lot. I have been really busy with family visits. Anyway, here is the progress I made last week (11 squares!!!!)

This is how the entire blanket looks now.

Hopefully I will have a better write up next week. <3

293/776, instead of 371

Confession of a Sock-a-holic

Hello, my name is Heather. I am a sock-a-holic. I currently have eight pairs of socks on the needles, and have been seriously considering casting on another pair for days now. I need an intervention.

Saturday Seven: Weeks 22 and 23

Week 22

One of my best friends went through the pile of stuff I am going to donate, and pulled out the magic number of clothing items. (7 things) I don't even know where some of this clothing came from... How do I have clothing of indeterminate origin in my house?

Week 23

Here are the containers out for charity collection.

The credit for the boxes goes to my sister. She brought those books when she visited because she knew I would donate them, whereas she would just let them sit around forever. My donations are 2 large bags of clothing (some items from my sister), a small bag of clothing, and a giant teddy bear that my littles don't play with. (4 things)

Also, these things jumped into a package I sent to my sister because she and I are notorious for leaving things behind after we visit. Let m clarify: I sent her a package full of things she accidentally left behind. I added these 3 things because I thought she would like them. (2 pairs of socks, a pair of jeans. 3 things)

7+4+3=14 things

Total things: 285

Sock Yarn Blanket: Weeks 50 and 51

It is hard to believe that my blanket  project is nearing the year mark! I am still behind, but hope to get back on track. I have more than a year to catch up, but the only way to make that happen is to not fall off track again. Wish me luck!

Week 50

I finished a test knit for my friend Josh Ryks. The pattern is called Fractured, and is set for release early next month. The shawl uses 3 colors of fingering weight yarn, so when I get through the rows of yarn I brought home from Zombie Knitpocalypse 2013, I will have more yarn from my own projects laying in wait to be added.

Here are the squares I added this week...

...and the yarn I plan to use next week.

Week 51

I started a test knit with this yarn this week

Here is the blanket progress

These are the yarns for the coming week.

 I will be finishing up the 3 rows of ZK yarn and moving on to using leftovers from my projects. I still have enough ZK yarn for another stripe, but I am ready for a change of pace. Look for another ZK stripe in the near future! 

275/776, instead of 364

Social Anxiety: Episode 3

My social anxiety is self diagnosed. I have not been to a doctor to be formally diagnosed because doctors are expensive, and I already know that social situations make me anxious. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, I can help others in similar situations feel less alone.

This is the last episode for the week, though I plan to update in the future when I have something relevant to add.

Tonight saw a little bit of success. M has been sleeping since around 4:30p. I think she will sleep until tomorrow morning, because she woke up in the middle of the night with nightmares. That means G didn't have a playmate. The first hour was fine; he played with some toys. Then the restlessness broke in. Boyfriend read a couple books with him, then I read a couple books with him. We cuddled on my bed, reading our respective books (I had been napping when the restlessness began). By 7p, he was fidgety which was making me fidgety. I decided to do something we haven't done since we moved - go for a walk.

We got our shoes on and walked out the door. I could see a group of 10ish adults clustered near the mail boxes, but luckily they were dispersing by the time we got to the end of the street. I exchanged a few words with the neighbors from two doors down, but G and I kept walking. It wasn't a long walk; I let G decide which direction we should go, and after 10 minutes he said we should go home.

On our way back to the house, we saw our next door neighbor doing upkeep on his oldest son's dirt bike. The son is 17, and races the dirt bike almost every weekend, so there is a lot of necessary maintenance to keep it in proper working order. G is obsessed with the dirt bike. The younger son (he's in 8th grade) has a dirt bike that he rides in their backyard, and one of the kids down the street brings his quad over. Gabriel stands on the fence in our back yard, watching them the entire time they ride.

At the foot of the neighbor's driveway, Gabriel asked if we could go see the bike. We did, and I ended up having a half hour conversation with my neighbor. It is the first real conversation I have had on the street. I mean, I have talked to the other moms a little bit, but not much beyond the pleasantries.

Although I didn't talk to the large group of people, I did have real conversation with one neighbor, so I will count today as a success, and do my best tomorrow.

Social Anxiety: Episode 2

My social anxiety is self diagnosed. I have not been to a doctor to be formally diagnosed because doctors are expensive, and I already know that social situations make me anxious. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, I can help others in similar situations feel less alone.

I plan to focus on this issue for a few, and then to update in the future when I have something relevant to add.

My new neighborhood is a great place. We live at the end of a cul-de-sac. The road that takes you to our street is also a cul-de-sac. There is very little traffic, and all the kids, ages 2 through 17, play in the street. Everyone 4 and over knows to get out of the street when a car comes, and the tweens help corral the younger kids (i.e. my daughter). The older kids play with the younger kids (the tweens ride their bikes at a speed that my son can match with his training wheels). All the adult neighbors I have met so far are really friendly. I should have no problem taking the kids outside, and yet...

The following inner monologue occurred about a week ago.

All the neighbors are outside. I should take the littles outside, so they can play with the other kids. That would be fun for them. Maybe G could ride his bike. M can ride her train. Maybe I will take my spindle outside; the neighbor kids enjoyed playing with it last time. *I notice there is a group of 8 or so parents standing together, talking.* I wonder what they are talking about. Will they think I am being rude if I don't come over right away? Will it be awkward if I do go over, but don't have anything to say? Maybe I can just spin, and hang out with the kids instead. Will that make them think I am being anti-social? What if I just stood by them and and spun? No, that is weird. Ugh. I don't want to be weird, but I don't want to just stand there, either.

---

More of the same followed, until I had completely talked myself out of taking the kids outside. They were playing in the backyard, so I wasn't denying them outside time. I still feel like a fail mom, though, for not encouraging my littles to be social.

Social Anxiety: Episode 1

My social anxiety is self diagnosed. I have not been to a doctor to be formally diagnosed because doctors are expensive, and I already know that social situations make me anxious. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, I can help others in similar situations feel less alone.

I plan to focus on this issue for the next couple of days, and then to update in the future when I have something relevant to add.

The following was posted to a couple of my friends on August 9, 2013.

I was motivated. I had the kids ready, I had the return I had to make in the car, I had plans to be a grown up and get stuff done. But boyfriend left the running lights on in the SUV 2 days ago, and now the battery is dead. All motivation is depleted. My plans immediately changed to stay home and clean the house instead. Laundry needs to be done, the garage needs to be organized, and I haven't cleaned the kitchen in 2 days. Okay, I can deal with this change of plans. I don't like it, but I can deal. It will be okay.

I sent boyfriend a text saying the car battery is dead. The text he sent back seems so absurd to me. And terrifying. "See if one of the neighbors can jump it." Easy, right? Just knock on a neighbor's door, ask a question, no big deal, right? Wrong. The idea of going over to a neighbor's house to ask a favor is making me want to cry and almost throw up. Seriously. I am about to have a panic attack.

The thing is, I have only talked to each of my neighbors once - the conversations when you are both walking in from the car at the same time and go a little something like, "Hi, I'm [insert name here]. You must be our new neighbor." "Yes, I'm Heather. The kids are M and G; my boyfriend is S." A couple more sentences, maybe, then in the house. I don't know these people. I remember their names, of course (okay, so I wrote them all down so I wouldn't forget), but I have a really hard time asking for help. Especially when I don't really *need* it. I can wait for boyfriend to get home and jump the car for me.

Additionally, I don't even know how to jump a car. I know the basic premise, and why it works, but I have no idea which clamp goes where. So I would need to find someone who can bring their car over, and knows how to jump a car.

I am not emotionally prepared for this. I know this is stupid. I am a grown up, and kind of a bad ass. I have spent the past week cutting trees with bow saws, and sawing/sanding/painting lawn chairs.

But this... this I am having a really hard time with.

---

Even when I was in the moment, I realized that some people would find it incomprehensible. My boyfriend, for instance, has no trouble asking the neighbors things. Can he borrow a wrench to change out the battery in the SUV, for instance. I feel a little ridiculous when I start panicking over  little social interaction. What am I worried about? I don't know, I just am. 

I am painfully shy, but not socially awkward. When one person introduces me to another, I can easily make conversation. The problem arises when I have to initiate contact. I don't like to do it. Last month, my dad called me to chat and he said, "You know, you could pick up the phone to call me every once in a while." I responded that I rarely call anyone, and that is wasn't personal. Which is true. When I initiate a phone call, I do it to relay information and keep it as brief as possible. I call my best friend to tell her to wake up because I am coming over. I call my boyfriend to remind him to do something, because a text is easy to miss. The exception is my sister, who I call to vent. It just never occurs to me to call people to chat. If someone calls me to chat, though, that is fine. I hold up my end of the conversation well.

If I don't even initiate conversation with my family, consider how much more difficult it is to do so with strangers.